15 Reflections: The Social Veneer: Authenticity at Home

We often wear a "cultural glaze" for the outside world, but at home, all I want to do is relax and let it all go. By the time we return from work, we are often exhausted by the hustle and bustle of our daily responsibilities.

As long as we live alone or as a couple, this state of exhaustion is (at best) manageable. After all, it is easier for two independent, responsible adults—who have chosen to live together with mutual consideration—to adapt to one another’s moods and needs.

Once children enter the picture, however, this idyll often retreats into the distant corners of our memory. This is especially true unless a family has a strong support system (kind, helpful grandparents nearby, reliable siblings, neighbours, or friends). Without that "safety valve," the pressure of tense situations can build up and cause significant damage.

Alternatively, harmony is possible when parents are self-aware. If they recognize how their daily routine affects them and others, they can develop a communication style based on honest, trusting, and understanding dialogue to resolve tension.

Where does the "cultural glaze" come in? Most of us play many different roles throughout the day. We interact with the world based on social expectations, which frequently requires us to be polite, kind, and overly accommodating. Often, we do this without being able to express what we truly think or feel about a situation.

In many circles, being completely honest is seen as "social suicide." Yet, in the long run, failing to be honest is a lie we tell ourselves. How does this relate to conscious parenting?

A tired parent returning home wants to rest, retreat, and recharge. Instead, they must rush to pick up their child from school or kindergarten. Upon arriving home, they are immediately overwhelmed by domestic worries, a never-ending to-do list, and the "come-play-with-me" energy of their child.

Children live entirely in the present moment. During socialization, this presence gradually fades as their consciousness begins to focus more on the past and the future. A conscious parent recognizes this. Instead of dragging the child into their own hurried world, the parent strives to let the child pull them back into the present.

The moment of reunion is an opportunity to connect with another soul. Who could be more important to us than our own child? They wait all day to be reunited with the loving, attentive, and protective presence of their parents.

Many parents, under the guise of this "cultural veneer," are kind to everyone outside the home. This wears down their patience and self-esteem. By the time they return home, they have nothing left for their family—the very people who need their kindness, understanding, and love the most.

A conscious parent strives for harmony between their outer persona and their inner world. They know that this alignment makes them more likely to truly "meet" their child at the end of the day. It allows them to provide emotional (and not just financial) support to that tiny human being who depends on them to learn how to become a person of value.

Mastering this is a lifelong task and one of our most beautiful challenges. We grow alongside our children; getting to know ourselves better facilitates their growth as well.

Culture is, and always will be, a part of our lives. Like good makeup, it can be refined and adjusted to match our true selves. The energy invested in this process pays off immensely over time, though it is often difficult to start, and the risk of "relapsing" into old habits is always there.

Those who dislike such challenges can simply pick up the remote and absorb whatever message the culture is currently broadcasting. But those interested in self-development and progress should take the reins and live life "live."

The Force is with us—and with you, whether you believe it or not!