Self-knowing 1
What is going on in my inner world?
To move forward in all areas of my life, I must understand what is happening in my mind. It has to become visible to me.
But what exactly is “What is happening inside my mind”?
My day starts sometime after waking up (because, if I were a night shift worker, it might not start in the morning). I get clean, get dressed, eat and drink, or not as it comes. Then I do as I have to. I do my work, walk around the city, and occasionally have a meal. Sometimes, I go to the toilet, handle situations, and then return home. I do my household chores and then relax in some form. I might watch TV, talk on the phone, party, exercise, or go on a date. At the end of the day, I go to bed.
A well-programmed robot could do it too.
But what makes me not a robot? A completely automatic machine?
During my day, I come into contact with people. We influence each other.
Feelings arise in me and in others, too. Sometimes they are kind, sometimes they are extreme.
Feelings are followed by thoughts and then actions.
I may be angry, and I think I would turn the table over, beat this person to death right there. Or I would hug him, kiss him.
And then I do nothing, or I do?
And my day is made up of such maturations, thoughts, and then some actions inside my head and soul.
How I feel is decisive. Very much so.
Making my feelings and thoughts visible and naming them is primary for something to change in situations that are uncomfortable for me.
What does this require? To notice what I feel.
And what does this require?
To stop for a moment and look, to hear myself, what I say to myself with my inner voice.
For example, Uncle Joseph has rudely spoken to me again and hurt me. I feel that he is accusing me unfairly. Or that he is too aggressive with me. Etc.
We are human because we feel. If I want to change, I have to start observing myself. What do I say? How do I relate? What are feelings? What will I do next?
Afterwards? I can decide what I want to change.
The "How?" is another question.
