How much can we be actively present for the other? Let it be our child or another person?
One of the most frustrating situations is when our child turns to us, for example, after waking up a little, and says, "Let's play!"
"Oh my God", we think, right now, when we should be cooking, washing, shopping, making an important call, or who knows what else, and our child only asks us to play.
In many cases, we sit down, play for a while, and then "just like that" start doing something else in parallel, so that the day goes by. Or we simply explain to our child that we will deal with him soon, but first, we will quickly do a few small things.
Our frustrated child tries to keep himself busy, while he continues to bombard us with questions, and we answer him verbally to calm our conscience, that is, we are verbally present, our gaze rests on him for a fleeting moment, and then moves on just as quickly...
And here the value of attention, the magic of the moment, is lost.
The child often only wants (what we adults do too) to have their thoughts heard, to be the centre of the parent's attention, to feel that nothing and no one is more important at that moment than they are. If we give it to him, we show that we value his little being, accept him as he is, without reacting to anything, or teaching him new things, or perhaps correcting him.
By maintaining constant eye contact, we are just present and paying attention with our whole being to the little miracle in front of us.
If we practice this type of attention, we serve as a role model for our child, which, seeping into his subconscious, can help him in his adult communication. Because he will unconsciously know that, as an attentive listener who not only listens to the other person's point of view, with interest, without wanting to express only his own truth or opposition, he will become a person who can respect the other person's personality.
And the way I treat my environment and others, I also teach them how to be treated.
That is why it is important for me as a parent to be aware of this "theory" and to set a positive example for my child by actively practising it.
It is possible to change our fixations, which requires perseverance, attention, active presence, and at the centre of which is ourselves.
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